LEARNING OBJECTIVE
To establish three
ways that a college personal statement can be improved, first by analyzing the
rhetoric in a rough draft, and then by analyzing the rhetoric in a final draft
of the same essay.
DO NOW
Group yourselves
into Triads (A Triad should have a Group Leader, who ensures that every voice
is heard, a Presenter, who will share any of the group's findings with the
class, and a Recorder, who will write down the group's responses. Each Triad
should have 2 laptops (3 laptops, if there are enough).
Please read the
Model College Essay Rough Draft, individually and silently.
Then,
Think/Pair/Share in a Triad:
A) What was your
emotional reaction to reading the essay? Cite examples from the essay in your
discussion.
B) What could the
speaker possibly do to enhance that emotional reaction, and make it more
intense?
C) The Presenter
should be ready to present their findings to the class.
DIRECT INSTRUCTION
A college personal
statement is a 650 word encapsulation of YOU.
Speaker: The high
school student who is applying to several reach colleges/universities
Audience: The
college admissions officer, who is making difficult decisions on 'cusp'
students
Purpose: To
demonstrate positive character traits, an adult maturity, and a reflectiveness
towards one's future.
Three hallmarks of a
strong college essay are:
Specific
Storytelling: Making the mundane unique
Concrete Details:
Creating visual clarity
Use of Dialogue and
Personal Voice: Forging emotional intimacy
GROUP WORK
Read the Model College Essay Final Draft individually.
When you are done, fill out the following Google Form. Have the recorder submit the answers for the entire group.
If you do not have a Gmail account, I have reproduced the questions below. Please send an email to kevinjameswong@gmail.com. Include the names of your group members in the subject line.
When you are done, fill out the following Google Form. Have the recorder submit the answers for the entire group.
If you do not have a Gmail account, I have reproduced the questions below. Please send an email to kevinjameswong@gmail.com. Include the names of your group members in the subject line.
1. Identify TWO
specific stories the speaker tells in the final draft that she does not tell in
the first draft. What is the effect of having these stories in the final essay?
2. Identify and
discuss TWO instances where the use of concrete detail enhanced the final
draft.
3. Discuss the
author's use of dialogue. What is its purpose, and what effect does it have on
the speaker?
4. Based on what you have seen in these drafts, what is something specific that you need to work on in your writing? (This is an individualized question. Each person in your triad should answer this question individually (John: TKTKTKTK Jane: TKTKTKTKTK Joe: TKTKTKTKTK).
5. (Extension) How
could the final draft continue to be improved from its current form?
INDIVIDUAL WORK /
HOMEWORK
If you are done with
your Group Assignment, please open/take out what you are working on for your
college personal statement. You can find a copy of the Common Application
Prompts here. You have three options:
A) If you have not
yet begun brainstorming, read this essay I wrote about what NOT to write about.
B) If you are ready
to begin brainstorming, or are in the middle of brainstorming, complete the
following Graphic Organizer for Common Application Prompts.
C) If you have
chosen a topic, and know what you want to write about, watch this video I created about plot structure and Freytag's Pyramid.
I will leave these
materials up on this website. You can access them over the summer to continue
working on your college personal statements. Good luck!
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